"I just feel like i’m drowning in a black hole…"
I don’t think I am. Maybe with a face full of makeup do I become remotely attractive.
So I haven’t been on this account in quite a while.. I think whats making me come back..
It’s that I had a panic attack about my weight, I took one look at myself in a bra and underwear and started to cry. I feel gross, and hideous.. and huge…
I think neglecting to take my thyroid medication has taken a toll on me..
So when I was getting vitamins for my hair.. I decided to get what was considered a weight loss pill, the cheapest one cause i’m broke…
For 10$ at shoppers, I bought the Quick Trim extreme burn weight management formula…
And then i’m back on my higher dosage of thyroid meds in the morning, and taking the lower dose at night.
I promise it will only be for a bit…
I know i’m abusing my medication.
But I promise it’s just for a bit..
Know how embarrassing it is to tell everyone that your a size 16 or 18 when really your a size 22.
I don’t remember my weight anymore… i’m too embarrassed to get on a scale.
It’s just im getting married in 2015, and I really want to be smaller for it.
I just don’t want to feel huge in my dress…
My greatest fears about weight loss…
I’m afraid that my stomach will go all flabby like you see on some people.
I think i’m also afraid of my breast size dropping dramatically. Like going down to a b or an a… :/
Not to be mean, but starting off at like an A cup in grade 4, a B cup in grade 5, and a C cup in grade 7, do a D in grade 8, and from there I went up to a DD in grade 9/10 to an E. I’m currently a DDD, and a 42 band size, I want my 38 Band size back, and to maybe drop to a DD or a D. I’m sick of paying 50$ for a bra!
I’m so sore from working out last night, and I work out every other day so my body has a chance to heal. But today, I ended up walking for a good hour because my friend and I got lost on the transit systems, had to ask for directions, and then find out that the place was closed, then to back home. Ahah. what a day.
She’s not what most people would post.
But I like her tummy, its pudgy, and she’s curvy.. but she’s not fat.
I like how her body fills out. And i think she’s absolutely gorgeous.
my thinspiration, is plus size model Chloe Marshall.
My Story, in a photo.
You know, i’m not gonna say i’m some hot shot.
I will tell you I personally think I have an attractive face, and thats what I base everything around. And by face, I mean my eyes. I adore their shape and the way they look.
This is me, the real me. I’m not gonna hide who I am.
Yes i’m fat!
Im really fucking fat!
But what I hope to gain from losing weight.. isn’t being skinny.
I want to be a size 16, or even better, a size 14. And I want to feel comfortable in my skin again. I will tell you I am not really really ashamed of my body, but i’ve been this way my entire life.
I could blame doctors for this, for my mother’s doctor not wanting to diagnose the fact that I have hypothyroidism. That didn’t happen till I was 17, and had my own doctor. I was fucking 10! I was 10 when I realized how different I was, and I hated it. But over the years, i grew to accept myself. I had a hard time sticking to a diet, so I nothing ever really succeeded. By 14, I was 209lbs… Five years later, and 20lbs heavier, I noticed that the difference between my body then and now, was that I didn’t really have a shape then. I had a girls body, not a woman’s body. I was just really round, like an apple. Now.. my ribcage is tiny, my breasts are huge (hereditary) but my stomach is round, and my hips are wide, my thighs are massive, yet my calves are small and muscular.
I’m not what you would say embarrassed, or ashamed of my body. But I realize how much I need to change. And it’s not a need, I want to change, I want a flatter tummy, and to be more muscular.
My height is 5’5 1/2. I think I enjoy my height, but there are days I would wish I was taller because I figured the weight I carried would be balanced out that much better.